My mother doesn't believe in having favourites.
For me, there was always something comforting about having a favourite of something. I would nag my mother constantly as a kid, demanding to know what her favourite colour was or what her favourite animal was. She insisted that she couldn't pick a favourite colour because it was too hard to pick just one when she loved them all, and my mother wasn't one for animals anyway so picking one was quite literally impossible. I get my indecisiveness from her obviously.
To this day, I still have no clue what her favourite anything is, but I make a point of picking. It has become harder to choose favourites the older and more indecisive I get. However, I still pick and share it with whoever will listen. I am also known to change my answers with time too. However, there are a few days that I know will never change as my favourite days of all time (or at least the past 29 years.
December 18, 2007
January 19, 2013
August 23, 2014
July 30, 2016
*Just to name a few. Dang indecisiveness
If you were to ask my wife, she would be able to pin down why I picked these days in a heart beat. She is sharp as a tack and honestly the best person for me... she is most definitely my person.
Let's go with July 30th, 2016 for today's reflection.
This day marks the birth of our baby girl. A day we felt would never come. Not because the pregnancy felt long, but because we were not sure if we would be able to have children of our own. Yes, I am doing it. I am talking about the elephant in the room - Infertility. Now, as these are the Husband Letters, I must admit that infertility may be one of the hardest things a man and husband would ever have to encounter. Nowhere close as difficult for your wife, not by a long shot mind you. Still, it is hard in the way that there is nothing you can do. Yes, you can get checked and be tested to see if the problem is on his end, but that is nothing... I mean absolutely nothing compared to what my wife had to endure. Yes, I was relieved to learn that it wasn't me. However, it also left a pit of sickness in my stomach, because that meant it had something to do with my wife. As we learned, the tests she had to go through were painful, intrusive, and numerous to say the least. I tried my best to be at every appointment she had. Between being a new teacher and juggling doctor appointments, getting time off was a very tricky task. A lot of personal days, but it was 100% worth it and I would do it all again if I had too. Words of the Wise, for any couple that may be going through similar experiences, and this is for you Mister, BE THERE FOR HER. It killed me knowing that she was going in for an appointment and I wouldn't be there to hold her hand or offer my hand for squeezing when she needed. The worst feeling in the world is feeling useless, and as the man in the mix of it, being useless is pretty much the only way you can describe it.
Our first year and a half of marriage and trying to start a family from the get go was some of the best and worst times. I know that is said a lot, the first year is a doozie, but there is no way to prepare yourself for it until you do it. I know many couples try living together first for years and years to 'test the waters'. Nah, that doesn't do much. Anyone can live with a roommate, but it takes time and sacrifice to make a marriage work. That is something that co-living can't exactly touch. So no, it wasn't easy. It was hard learning to be married and learning share everything (easier for me, than her in my case - I love you, Dear). However, there is so much you learn about someone when you are married and trying for a family that you will never learn during dating/courting. My wife and I dated for almost a year before we got engaged, and then after the engagement, we were married almost eight months later. For some, what we did may seem insane. Who gets married after a year and half of knowing someone. For us, that was not the case. In our culture and religion, dating for a year was a sign that marriage was not a good idea, When you wait too long to make the next big step, is marriage really something that you want? That really infuriated us because we were ready to be married. We proved them wrong. Yes, things have not always been easy, but I wouldn't trade it in for anything, We learned to love and trust each other as we grew together in our marriage.
So when we learned that we were pregnant after the long stretch of tests and examinations, we were so hyped. Our daughter's due date was scheduled for August, but due to wild annon-stop gall bladder attacks during the pregnancy, my wife was induced at the end of July and our daughter was born a day later. I will spare you the details, but I will share this. The second she was born and met her mother and was getting weighed and measured I went over to the bassinet she was placed in and like clock work, my daughter grabbed on to my finger and I knew my life would never be the same. She won me over and I treasure her everyday. She brings so much good, love, and light into my life and I would do anything for her, For I am weak and she just under a year old now. Besides, how can you not love someone who looks like you and calls you Dadadada. Insta-love!
Have I told you how amazing my wife is? After everything was said and done at the hospital she turned to me and said she would do it all again. Now that is incredible. She is truly my hero.
Happy Days Ahead,
Daddy-O
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